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December 12, 2010
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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
Sitting in her room on her computer, door closed. stacking things against it....dont want anyone coming in, for what if someone wants to hurt her? now checking her email. one in particular has a very hateful title in the subject line, but it somehow seems to be calling, screaming...."OPEN ME!!!!!" opening the email. right in front of her are displayed: words meant to hurt, unwanted confrontations, belittlement.... then another message, this time, a threat:

"i am gonna harass the shit out of you until you do something about it.... now im gonna harass you even more because you so god damn emo!"

After reading, she closes it out knowing theres nothing she or anyone can do about it, then looks down at herself, noticing the ugliness....continuing to sob as shes trying her hardest to hide the tears that just wont come and what she really feels inside by making herself numb in every possible way....this time, cranking up some death screamo, while sitting there thinking of a way to start trolling others. meanwhile, other thoughts are plaguing the mind----sitting silently in the dark, eyes bloodshot, blood boiling with anger, skin crawling with fear....looks over at her bedroom door every few seconds, then out the window in fear of someone trying to peer in, possibly spying on her! words start to form in her mind, hearing them ring ever so clear and loudly, its like they are actually voices telling her: "KILL!"  "YOU REALLY ARE WORTHLESS SCUM!" "SHUT UP!" "GO AWAY!" "LEAVE ME ALONE!"  deafened by the voices, wanting it all to end. she then sits with her head between her knees with feet propped up on the chair she sits in, hands and arms wrapped behind and covering her head. wanting to scream, she growls in feelings of rage, anger, and fear, eyes bloodshot and glary everytime shed look at the door or window to her room. "what if someone outside the room comes down the hallway towards my room and notices that i am in great misery and distress, would they hear the growls and faint cries?" "what if someone says "HEY, SHUT UP IN THERE!!!!"....i wouldnt care, im used to the verbal abuse and emotional neglect!"
This continues to be her everyday life, and knowing theres nothing she can say or do about it, she then pulls out a piece of paper and pen:

"To anyone who would care to read this:......im sorry for all the burden you had to carry because i had existed, and wish you will forgive me for what im about to do. nobody had ever cared to answer my urgent cries for help. everytime i try, your excuses were, 'i have my hands full myself', 'i dont have the time', 'i dont want to hear your shit so bug off', or 'im too busy'. what, none of you can take a few minutes out of your day just to tell me that i really matter in your life? all this emotional neglect has finally added up....to THIS. and now, i bid you all a great life.....without me trying to weigh you down with my meaningless problems! i can see now that i am obviously unwanted here! GOODBYE, and GOOD RIDDANCE!"

she had died that night. 2 bullet wounds in the head prove her death to be a suicide. a 9mm pistol lie on the floor amongst all the spilt blood still gushing from her skull. it would still be hours until anyone finds her lifeless body on the floor.

a dozen sirens are heard in the distance...........TO BE CONTINUED!!
i honestly did not know exactly what category to put this under, so dont be critical to me about any minor mistakes i mayve made when posting this!
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